Managing Emotional Stress

Helpguide.org
SKILLS FOR EMOTIONAL BALANCE AND COPING WITH STRESSFUL EMOTIONS

Emotional stress management is a key to securing mental, emotional, physical, and social health. Learn to recognize and reduce stress in yourself, take intense emotions in stride and gain confidence in yourself and in your ability to relate well to others. This 2-part “short course” provides you with tools for resiliency and emotional management. The exercises help you link to the emotional centers of your brain, enabling you to recognize and manage your response to stress as well as experience, accept, and benefit from your intense emotions. Without these skills, your communication will consistently be derailed because overwhelming emotional stress will always override the intentional thinking parts of your brain.

Emotional stress is a contributing factor in most mental health and social problems, as well as physical health problems. Many people simply haven’t had the early life experiences that enable them to be resilient to stress. But it is never too late to develop the skills of emotional stress management, which can be learned at any time of life. The ability to calm and sooth yourself under stress is a cornerstone of mental and emotional health that permits you to:

Prevent mental health problems, and many physical health problems, from occurring
Stabilize and overcome a wide range of crushing health problems
Find pleasure in life – participate in playful and joyous activities by yourself and with others
Experience self confidence – replace insecurity with a positive, realistic perspective
Build rewarding and meaningful relationships

To effectively relieve emotional stress, you need to be able to:
Recognize stress and bring your nervous system into balance
Stay both aware of, and in control of, your emotions

Part 1: Learning to use our senses for emotional balance
Adult stress can be brought into balance in one of two ways:
By being with people that we trust who themselves are calm and focused, and/or
By using one or more of our senses to bring our nervous systems into balance
By learning to use our senses you will acquire tools for managing and reducing stress. By learning to control your stress response you bring your nervous system into balance, allowing you to feel calm, focused and in control of yourself.

How does your nervous system respond to stress?
Every person’s nervous system reacts differently to stressful situations. No two of us are likely to react in exactly the same way. In describing stress responses, Dr. Connie Lillas, a Los Angeles child development expert, uses the analogy of driving a car.

Foot on the Gas
(Overwhelmed)
Driver exhibits heated, angry, in-your-face response; is agitated, and can’t sit still. Many of us react to stress by becoming angry and agitated. We want to act, sometimes impulsively. The energy here is analogous to the “fight” response.

Foot on the Brake
(Under whelmed)
Driver seems shut down, spaced-out, withdrawn – showing little energy or emotion. Other individuals react to stress by emotionally turning away from it. This is the “flight” response. Such individuals may seem restless, withdrawn, or zoned-out; their stress reactions may seem minimally responsive, though internally this is not the case.

Foot on the Gas and the Brake
(Frozen)
Driver is tense and still; eyebrows raised, eyes wide open, shoulders tight and lifted; frozen; can’t get going and can’t accomplish anything. Some individuals have had frightening, overwhelming experiences that have “wired” their nervous systems to “freeze” when challenged by stress. Their stress responses are especially complex and contradictory. This person may look paralyzed, but is racing within.

Stressful situations rarely send out advance warnings. When you’re tired and irritated, and run into a confrontation with an equally stressed-out loved one or colleague, there’s no “pause” button you can push in order to think things through at your leisure. You need be able to do something in a hurry to calm down, get energized, and focus yourself.

People who have been traumatized often require special help:
Individuals who have experienced an overwhelming physical or emotional event may have difficulty applying stress relief techniques and often require professional assistance. Sometimes people who have been traumatized do not recognize their situation as traumatic (for example, if survival depended on downplaying the significance of a situation). If you have difficulty applying these techniques on your own, you may want to consult a psychotherapist for assistance.

Self help for defusing stress – Finding your keys to calmness:
The sensory activities below can help you reduce stress. As you explore these activities, take the time to enjoy yourself and to discover what works best for you. Begin with the senses that are the most appealing as you look for sensory stimulants that:

Both relax and energize you – that simultaneously help you feel flexible, at ease, safe, and alert
Have immediate impacts – that bring instantaneous and positive responses
Are enjoyable – that bring a smile to your face and a warmth in your heart
Are dependable – that consistently help you feel more in control
Are available – that are at hand or easily accessible
Try the following sensory activities in any order you wish, ideally when you are not concerned about being interrupted.

Sights
Surround yourself with images that make you feel wonderful.
Immerse yourself in colors that delight – color your walls with a hue that lifts your spirits.
Nurture through nature – focusing on greenery can have a calming and lifting effect.
Decorate with photos of loved ones or scenes from nature that soothe you. Put up posters or magazine photos and illustrations that are beautiful, funny, and delightful.
Create small “altars” and decorate them with mementos you find in nature.

Sounds
Experiment to discover sounds that you find renewing, supportive, and sustaining.
Listen to nature’s call – the sounds of breezes, rain, the surf, babbling brooks, bird calls, and forest wildlife.
Experiment with vocal sounds, from grand opera to country twang.
Find a lift in gospel or religious music.
Lend an ear to instrumental music – orchestral, ensembles, and solos.
As you notice which sounds are uplifting and energizing to you, save them on a player that you can use with earphones.

Smells
Surround yourself with scents to calm you or energize you.Some common calming and energizing scents include: lavender, mint, chamomile, rose, jasmine, eucalyptus, sage, basil, rosemary, and ginger.

Soothing scents come in a variety of forms:
Candles
Incense and potpourri
Fresh flowers
Perfumes
Scent inhalers

Touch
Play with tactile sensations that relax and renew you.
Wear materials that feel soft and comforting next to your body. Try silk, 100% cotton or other smooth and light fabrics.
Indulge your need to feel cooler or warmer. If it’s hot, keep a cooling spray or fan handy; if you are chilly, wrap something warm around your neck or shoulders.
Lightly stroke your face and arms.
Wash your face with cool or warm water.

Movement
Get a move on and get comfortable in your own space. Feel your muscles and tendons respond as you engage in some form of freeing movement.
Stamp your feet; jump up and down.
Run in place – or around the room.
Stretch – arching your neck and back if you can.
Dance around – inventing new steps or repeating old ones.
Roll your head – gently circling your head in one direction, then the other.
Tap your head lightly with your fingertips.
Massage yourself – a hand, foot, or head massage.
Squeeze a rubbery stress ball, some play dough, or clay.

Tastes
Experiment with food, in moderation. Become aware of certain foods that are soothing, when eating increases pleasure and may reduce stress-related hunger. However, although food will work for some people, but it’s not the ideal choice for those with weight problems or eating disorders.

Take a small piece of something sweet, such as dark chocolate or a juicy berry – let it dissolve slowly in your mouth. Savor every bit.
Mix several kinds of grapes in a bowl. Close your eyes, pick one and slowly taste it. Notice its skin, inner flesh, and seeds, if any. Try to identify the different types of grapes solely through taste.
Prepare a meal that includes lots of colors, textures, aromas, and flavors – a feast for all the senses. Focus on the food and eat slowly, noticing how everything feels and tastes on various parts of your tongue.
Try a variety of flavors and textures, such as a salty tortilla chip, a golden raisin, a spicy sliver of pepperoni, a small piece of cheese, a crunchy bite of green apple, and a slice of pickle

Authored by Jeanne Segal, Ph.D; Editing by Linda Laucella and Robert Segal, M.A. Last modified on: 11/06/07.